While movies and pop culture may have normalized the (not true) notion that female orgasm requires penetration, the truth is that you very rarely hear women say they can achieve orgasm just from penetration. Unfortch, like the Loch Ness Monster, the legend sticks around enough to make those who are more clitorally oriented wonder if it’s worth working toward.
Some experts say 70 percent of women rarely or never have orgasms, but men put a premium on it for a few obvious reasons: (1) porn and (2) they want to feel like their penis is a sexual hot rod that will make you speak in tongues and throw your vibrator into a volcano.
And while we know that clitoral orgasms result from clitoral stimulation, vaginal orgasms are sometimes assumed to be the result of G-spot stimulation—which, as we recently uncovered, doesn’t really exist. But some women still claim to be able to have vaginal-only orgasms! So then how can you still have a purely vaginal orgasm without G-spot stimulation?
Here’s the thing to keep in mind. “All orgasms are clitoral orgasms,” explains clinical psychologist Brittany Blair, PsyD, CBSM, founder of the Lover.io app. Many people don’t realize that the external (aka visible) part of the clitoris is only the glans, while the body of the clitoris in its entirety extends up the vagina along the top of the vaginal wall and down behind the labia, Blair says.
So while you might identify vaginal and clitoral orgasms as two different animals, the source of the pleasure actually comes from the same spot: the clitoris. It’s just that internal orgasms are the result of stimulation along the legs of the clitoris that you can’t see on the outside.
That’s all well and good, but what if you want to increase your chances of having a vaginal orgasm through the inner part of your clitoris? Your odds of having a vaginal orgasm may have to do with anatomy, Blair explains. Depending on how close your clitoris is to your vaginal wall or how deep it goes into your body may affect the sensation you can feel from your hidden clitoris nerves.
Another thing to keep in mind: yYu may already have had vaginal orgasms without knowing it, so don’t be discouraged if you feel like you’re missing out on a huge part of sex just because you’ve never felt a definitively “vaginal” orgasm. “Oftentimes, when I ask women if they experience their orgasm clitorally or vaginally, they will say that they can’t really tell the difference of exactly where it’s happening, since both areas are being stimulated,” explains Liz Miracle, MPST, WCS, a Bay area clinical director, educator, and physical therapist at Origin.
How? Miracle suggests it may have something to do with “referral” or the phenomenon where your body experiences one thing, but you feel it in another area. When a woman has a heart attack, for example, she might feel it in the center of her shoulder blades or feel “heartburn,” Miracle adds.
A man on the other hand, might feel it in his sternum, or as pain in the left arm. “The point being, something can happen in one location and be sensed in a different area of the body. This may have to do with how our brain is receiving the sensory input or where the actual path of the nerves lie,” Miracle says.
Regardless of the type of orgasm you’re aiming for, it’s also important to give a shout-out to your pelvic-floor muscles for several reasons. The first thing you might think of when you think of pelvic-floor muscles and orgasms might be the idea of PC muscles (the ones Kegels tend to target) to create better vaginal muscle control, but there are also pelvic-floor muscles that help with clitoral orgasm.
The bulbospongiosus and ischiocavernosus and perineum (say those five times fast, I dare you), are at the opening of the vagina and are crucial for clitoral orgasms. Notably, the bulbospongiosus muscle rhythmically contracts to “propagate the orgasm in waves,” explains Miracle. Once the orgasm is over, the muscles relax. Getting in touch with your pelvic floor muscles (all of them, not just PC muscles), so that they can contract and fully relax gives you the best chance of having better orgasms overall.
Thankfully, with modern technology and telehealth, as Miracle points out, you can very easily and painlessly get in touch with a physical therapist to guide you through self-examination of your pelvic-floor muscles for the best chance of better orgasms.
What’s the big difference between vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms? Ob-gyn Heather Bartos explains that vaginal orgasms tend to be deeper and involve more pulsating of the vaginal muscles than clitoral orgasms. “Generally [vaginal orgasms] involve rocking of the entire body and a big release when completed—about 10 to 30 seconds later,” she adds.
To make it even better, she says there’s a short refractory period for these types of orgasms as well. In comparison, she says that “clitoral orgasms tend to be lighter and more tingly. The clitoris is super sensitive afterward and a longer refractory period may be necessary.”
How, if it’s even possible for mere mortals, can we have a vaginal orgasm? Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, says that if you interpret “vaginal orgasm” as achieving orgasm from penetration alone, it’s pretty damn rare. “Vaginal orgasms don’t happen without some kind of clit stimulation. They can be enhanced with the G-spot, which provides a different sensation, and clitoral orgasm during penetration can give you the feeling of vaginal orgasm.”
So, are vaginal orgasms bullshit? In 2011, a Yale urologist speculated that the so-called G-spot was actually just an extension of the clitoris. “I don’t want to say they’re a myth, because some women do have them. But it’s very rare to take a dildo or a vibrator and have an orgasm simply by thrusting,” Kerner adds.
Bartos agrees. “It is possible to have [a vaginal orgasm], but it’s definitely not the norm. In fact, it may be the sexual unicorn [of orgasms].” Unfortunately, it’s hard to quantify exactly what percentage of people can have vaginal orgasms since, as Bartos points out, orgasms are a complicated business. There are a huge number of factors that play into how each and every orgasm is a little different—anatomy, masturbation or sex technique, and even where you are in your cycle can affect your orgasms. Not to mention your partners, relationship, and trust level often required to really let yourself go.
Sexologist Susan Kaye, PhD, explains that there are no nerve endings in the vagina itself (think about it: childbirth is painful enough) but that the feeling of vaginal orgasm comes from the backside of the clitoris and its nerve endings being stimulated. Just like how an iceberg is, like, 90 percent underwater, so is your clit. The clitoris that you can stimulate and see is just part of it. There are many nerve endings that carry sensation throughout your vagina that you can’t see from the vulva.
Kaye also says that vaginal orgasms tend to be mostly muscle contraction, whereas clitoral orgasms are due to the 8,000 nerve endings sending through the labia and clitoral legs.
In order to best discover your odds of a vaginal orgasm, Kaye suggests using a dildo, vibrator, and/or your own fingers. “Knowing your body, only you can educate a partner on what works best for you,” she explains. “Be your body’s own best friend. ‘Know thyself’ and then inform your partner by taking them on a tour.” After all, they’ll likely appreciate the helping hand.
As we’ve learned, sufficient clit stimulation is tantamount to having even a vaginal orgasm. Megan Andelloux, executive director at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, says most women find the upper left-hand quadrant of their clit the most receptive to stimulation. She also lists the most difficult orgasmic positions for women: 69’ing, standing, and straddling her partner’s face.
So there you have it. Go forth and good luck.