Have you ever wondered whether you’re good in bed or not?
It’s a question that might have crossed your mind, or maybe you’ve never thought about the concept at all. Whichever applies to you, the truth of the matter is that even if sex is subjective, some people are better at sex than others. And whether you’re obsessed with that idea or not, being good in bed is really more about what you’re bringing to your partner than anything else.
It’s not about a skill that some have and others don’t, nor is it about your penis size.
Sex writer Dan Savage famously said that being good in bed is a matter of the “three Gs” — being good, giving and game. And while those are all important, what about a fourth G? What about being a God in bed? Not just good, but legendary? Someone past lovers will miss and future lovers will covet?
Again, this doesn’t have anything to do with your body or your dick size — it’s about how you treat the other person you’re with.
Keep reading to find out which seven bedroom qualities make you a sex God (and how many you possess).
The Creative Lover: Asks their partner to try new things
This Quality: Means your partner is never bored
A creative lover is someone who doesn’t get locked into one conception of what sex can be. Sure, it can be a penis in a vagina on a mattress, but it could also be a penis in a hand in a bathroom, a mouth on a vagina at the beach or an image of a penis on a screen. To the creative lover, sex can be anything. All that pleasure comes from exploration, not running over the same old route over and over.
The Fearless Lover: Agrees to try their partner’s suggestions
This Quality: Means your partner won’t get frustrated
The flip side to creativity is fearlessness. Sure, a partner who’s always suggesting new things and pushing the envelope can be a lot of fun, but that partner needs to be able to play second fiddle every now and then. Being able to say, “Hey, let’s try something you want this time” requires humility, flexibility (sometimes literal) and an absence of fear. Plunging into the can be scary, but a sex God is up for the challenge. That doesn’t mean you’re doing things you don’t want to do, just that you’re willing to try to expand what you want to do every now and then if someone else asks.
The High-Stamina Lover: Can keep going for a while
This Quality: Means sex lasts longer than a blink
Nobody is saying sex needs to last all night long, but if sex only lasts a handful of minutes, the odds that both partners manage to orgasm is pretty small. While you don’t have to be a high-cardio muscle man that pumps away for an hour every time, you should be willing to put in the effort to make sure your partner gets as much pleasure as you do. Typically climax pretty fast? Get good at oral. Don’t have the energy for marathon sessions? Let your partner get on top. If you figure out how to make it work so that the sex lasts, you’ll be well on your way to sex God status.
4. Attention to Detail
The Detail-Oriented Lover: Does all the rights things without you asking
This Quality: Means your partner feels attended to
Just as the littlest details can mean the difference between success and failure in life, the same applies for when you’re in bed. Do you know the exact places on their body that make them tingle? Do you even know where the clitoris is? How about the right amount of lube, the right about of foreplay or the right depth of penetration? By being curious about what works and what doesn’t, remembering it and applying those learnings will help take your sex game to the next level. It all starts with caring about those details.
The Playful Lover: Doesn’t take sex too seriously
This Quality: Means your partner doesn’t get stressed out
Have you ever watched some nearly pass out from anxiety while giving a speech. Not only can it be painful to watch, but you might find yourself vicariously experiencing some of their anxiety. Now port that to the bedroom — any more fun? A good lover is someone who’s comfortable enough to be playful. That means laughing your way through minor mishaps because you’re having fun, not laser-focused on reaching a specific goal. Does a new sex position you tried not work the way you wanted it to? Do your attempts at roleplay fall flat? The sex God doesn’t freak out, but keeps smiling, takes a water break and jumps right back into it.
The Generous Lover: Puts a partner’s desires first
This Quality: Means your partner will want to come back
All of the above traits, however important they are, would be useless without this one. A generous lover is one who genuinely cares about their partner’s enjoyment, and that can take many forms. For some people, it’s someone who’ll say yes to their every demand. For others, it’s someone who’ll tie them up and not take no for an answer. The key is it’s what that person wants. Can you put your own desires on hold long enough to pay attention to what the other person wants? Lots of guys haven’t figured out how to yet, leaving them to be terrible in bed, if not downright violating the other person’s consent. Good sex is an exchange, and a conversation where one person isn’t listening isn’t a conversation at all.
The Lustful Lover: Shows how aroused they are by their partner
This Quality: Makes your partner feel desirable
On the other hand, as important as it is to be able to put your partner first, truly next-level sex Gods also know how (and when) to take control. If someone does everything you ask for but isn’t ever excited about it, that’s going to wear thin eventually. For so many people, there’s nothing sexier than feeling how badly the other person wants you. The world’s best lovers make their partners feel like chocolate-coated sexual dynamite, by showing them — with their actions, words and their guttural grunts and moans of pleasure — just how awesome it is to have sex with them.