Spousal abuse and BBNaija lessons

Whenever I read something on spousal abuse, I just hiss and throway face.
I have no more empathy to spare.
None whatsoever.
Why?
Because these things didn’t just start to happen overnight.
While you dated/courted, he/she showed you a glimpse of what is to come, but you refused to see it.
Man wey dey beat you for marriage, don use style tell you, “I will slap you”, but you thought he was jesting.
Man wey ban you from social activities, don use style show dis side of am during courtship, by following you everywhere.
But you felt it was cute, so you thought it to be nothing.
You see this Ozo of BBnaija Lock down season?
I do not fancy him anymore.
Nah, I don’t.
Once upon a time he was a prototype, a yardstick, but now?
I do not wish his kind for someone I know.
We claim he is caring.
What does he do?
Cook for Nengi, serve her in bed, wait on her, etc.
What did Kidd do for Erica while she was in the house?
Same thing.
Cook for both of them, serve, wait on her, etc.
What sets them apart?
Kidd lets Erica be herself.
Ozo would rather shit on his body than go to the toilet if it means he’ll be leaving Nengi with Kidd for one minute.
You see it as cute, I find it disturbing.
You can shower me with attention and not choke me.
You can show me you love me, and not stifle my freedom.
You can be possessive and not act paranoid.
These are the issues.
That line you keep blurring, those boundaries you keep allowing them cross, will end up doing you a great disservice.
That aside.
Whenever I look at my friend Ifeyinwa, and see how much Mr. Gbadegeshin dotes on her, I give myself a spiritual high five for doing a fantastic job in making her choose him.
Considering how much of a failure I am in getting my own love life together, I daresay that I am an expert in bringing my friends and cousins together with sweet partners. 👫
I think I should go into relationship counselling.
Abi how you see am? 😎
😁
Mr G can’t see this, so let me gist us.
There was this echikota ekwe-onu in Yinwa’s life after her devastating breakup with her ex last year.
Dude was so disrespectful, crass, and had esteem issues.
In simple terms, he was bad news.
He would show up at her parents’ house unannounced, show up at her fashion school unannounced, call her with strange numbers just to be sure she was where she said she was, and all manner of smelling sakamanje.
I remember one time she was with me.
He called and asked the age long insecure Nigerian boyfriend question, “where are you?”
She told him she was at mine.
He asked her for my address. Ifeyinwa giggled, and described my place to him anyhow.
Dude responded with, “okay, just take care and be safe.”
Two hours later, guess who was asking Mummy Landlady, “please ma I’m looking for one Sandra…”
You guessed right.
He traced her from Igando to Sango Ota!
Abi e ri oloun bayi.
Can you see the wonders of Jehovah?
I was shocked.
Ifeyinwa was speechless.
Just to make my friend happy, I welcomed him and offered him food.
Idiot ara e, oun naa lanu jeun.
Like, he opened his mouth, and ate the veggies stir-fry spaghetti I cooked, and drank coke on top.
Ma belch kwa.
Ifeyinwa told him she was staying the night, he said, “since tomorrow is Saturday, I can stay too.”
Nibo?!
In whose house?
Ogbeni dide fun mi jor!
Abi, abi this one is high on gum ni?
Stand up from my sofa ojere!
Ifeyinwa started cutting eye for me to take it easy with him, but I wasn’t having it.
This dude was a No-No.
Considering her last relationship, I wasn’t ready to open my eyes and see her repeat the same mistake.
He finally left.
He sent Ifeyinwa no less than twenty five text messages all through the night.
“By morning, I would have been dead. My blood will be on your head.”
“That your friend will be your undoing.”
“If you didn’t have a hidden agenda, why didn’t you tell her to allow me stay the night with you?”
“I know you are going out tonight with that your friend. Keep it up.”
“Ifeyinwa I love you. If you love me, come back now. I want to come to your house tomorrow morning and meet you there.”
“If you don’t leave that your friend, we are done.”
“I will ask you one last time Ify, is that girl your lover? Are you both lesbians?”
😳😳
😂😂
pekele, pekele, arugbo je gbese, tani o san?!
Oga you better catch some sleep before you go bananas. You go soon run enter market at the rate you’re going sir. 🤣
I told Ifeyinwa in plain English, this guy is not good for you. Dump him.
I won’t even call what they had a relationship per se.
All of this drama was barely two months into the situationship.
Before she finally got this oaf off her back, it was war.
Thank God for the intervention of Ifeyinwa’s father.
He made sure to scare him with uniformed men.
🌹
Mr Gbadegeshin was that “friend” in Yinwa’s life who she didn’t count as Husband material.
They’d been platonic friends for two years before Yinwa and I became friends in 2017.
On the list of Ifeyinwa’s prospects, he was probably number seven hundred and twenty one.
One good day, I was with her when he called.
Phone was on loudspeaker.
From his tone, I deduced ONE thing, and that was respect.
I don’t have to see you to know that you’re a total waste of time, and a sham.
From your voice, I already know.
But, I get coconut head.
That is why they be breaking my heart like coaster biscuit.
Sorry for the digression.
After their conversation, I told Yinwa to give Mr. G a chance.
She argued about the tribal difference between them, and the possibility of her father being against it.
I had to ask her, “the last two guys you dated, weren’t they Igbo? Weren’t they both jerks?”
Ifeyinwa holds my words in high esteem.
And I swear, it is frightening sometimes.
She agreed to go out with him. They went out on a REAL date thrice.
They hung out at the beach and cinemas.
Dude visited her home like a perfect gentleman.
Trust Delta Ibo women na, her mum fell in love with him one time. 🤣
Her father as we envisaged, was not in support, just because Mr. G is Yoruba .
Mr. G came to visit me.
Then I used oju agba to access him, and I was satisfied.
Good conversationist.
Intelligent
Kind
Good sense of humour, and he smelled nice.
I told my friend, heeyyys! You Berra carry on.
Her father finally gave his blessings and they tied the knot in February this year.
Ifeyinwa’s present job, was gotten through him.
The way he wants the best for my friend, is worth a standing ovation.
In the midst of this pregnancy crisis, I see the fear in his eyes.
The way he holds her hand and kisses it absentmindedly.
If given a chance, he’ll ask that the pregnancy be given to him to carry, so his wife can be free.
During the times when meetings take him away for a day or more, and I have to be the one to take Yinwa for her regular check up, I make sure to charge my phones well.
His calls come in every six minutes.
Him: “Bae how far? How is she?”
Me: “She’s good. She’s being checked.”
Him: “Has she eaten? Did you buy her the peppered kpomo she says she wants?”
Me: “I haven’t. On our way out I’ll buy raw Kpomo and fresh pepper. I’ll do it for her in the house.”
Him: “Bae o ma pe. O ma pe. Try waka round and buy it for her for me. Can you order it on Jumia food? ”
🙆
On some days, he’ll call me on WhatsApp video call just so he’ll be present with her during her doctor’s appointment.
All through the while they dated, he never exhibited any possessive or jealous traits, he did not stifle her with his presence, he did not go through her phones!
All he did was love her and allowed her the chance to fall in love with him.
And believe me when I say, he is a wonderful husband, and would make a fantastic dad soon.
So, while you’re supporting Ozo’s cringe worthy behaviour, and his sinister smile, please know this; that he marks his territory viciously while wooing you, is not a guarantee that he loves you.
Some people just love the thrill of the chase, and the adrenaline rush.
Once that phase is over, they get bored and go in search of something more exciting.
The trick to keep these kind of people interested, is to keep making them chase you.
Cause, once they get you, it is finished.
There is nothing else left to fuel their excitement.
Stop glorifying nonsense.🌹